Shame

My own king
I cannot face
My shame and hurt
Against me race

My own beloved
I turn to not
Pain has caused
My courage to rot

In a world of people
I feel alone
In a sea of smiles
I turn to stone

My hitching breath
My rapid heart
My healing process
Has yet to start

I want to talk
I want to speak
But given the chance
I am too weak

I miss the trust
I had in Him
I miss the love
I felt in the wind

I long to return
To days of past
The urge to run
Is growing fast

But I am blocked
By perpetual sin
To the fallen
I am kin

I feel beyond
Mercy and love
Like I've fallen too far
To reach above

Above the pit
Of darkness I'm in
Above the slight
Of the spirit within

My head is telling me
His arms are open
My heart responds
They're conditions unspoken

What I've known
And what I've been taught
Mean absolutely nothing
And penetrate not

For in this instance
Logic has no hold
And my hardened heart
Holds stories untold

Maybe one day
My joy will return
Not to be taken
By mockery or spurn

And on that day
I'll sigh in relief
When I finally realize
I'm not such a beast

M.L